wish i could

Wish i could go back home,
Wish i could play again that old trombone,
Music with which i lived all my childhood days,
Had played it in each and every ways.

Wish i could bring back my lost friends,
Wish i could change this growing up trend,
Friends with whom i spent all those days,
Those hide n seek and funny musical plays.

Wish i could revert the way clock moves,
Wish i could again wear my childhood shoes,
Wish to go back to previous memory lanes,
Carefree wanna roam, without taking any blames.

Wish to be a child again,
Wish to play with the pouring rain,
Want to sing, want to dance,
Want to take a chance again.....

Mom... I love someone.....

Days were passing as if they were just few moments. Khushi was very lonely without Sparsh. She was extremely tensed. Her instincts were telling her that something is going to be very wrong and she was extremely worried. He was also very helpless. He was at such a place where network coverage was very poor. Sparsh tried his level best to call her whenever he got a chance. He loved her a lot but his mother was ill and it was his duty to be there. Khushi understood his problem that's why she never forced him for anything. She was thinking to finish her internship in her hometown. She applied in one or two hospitals but still the joining letter hadn’t come.

Sparsh was nowhere. Khushi had no contact with him. Last time he had called 5 days back and told her that his mom is very ill, so he might not be able to contact her for few more days. He was already too worried. Khushi understood his problems so she dint say anything as usual. As the days were progressing it was becoming harder for her to stay quiet. She was under silent pressure from every side. Everyone was expecting something or other from her, whether it was her parents, Rohit, Sparsh, and even her heart. She felt guilty whenever she saw her parents looking at her with hope filled eyes, just for her one unsaid answer. She understood their silent wish, but for the first time she did not want to fulfil that wish. Everything was storming her head and as a result next morning she woke up with a heavy and badly aching head.

“What happened? Are you alright? Do you have any tension? I feel you are having something in your heart which you are not telling anyone of us. Wont you even tell you mother?” Her mother asked combing her hairs by her fingers.

So finally this was the limit, Khushi thought. She was unable to control more. She will have to speak up, she cannot stay quiet for everything. It’s about her whole life. Thinking this Khushi finally gathered all her courage and said “Mom…I love someone. And I want to marry him only. I cannot marry Rohit. Please mom…” She finally uttered and waited for her mom’s response.

Mrs. Sharma’s hands instantaneously dropped from Khushi's head. She was shocked.
“Khushi are you out of your mind? What the hell are you saying”. Mrs Sharma almost screamed.
“Yes Mom. I know what I'm saying.” And she told about Sparsh and his background.
Mrs Sharma stood up from her bed. She was shocked. Mrs Sharma always believed that her daughter will do whatever she will say and it was something which she had never thought of. She always believed that her daughter never hides a single thing from her and there is no guy in her life. This is what had always made Mrs Sharma proud of. She came out to living room where her husband and son were sitting. She went and sat on the couch.
Anuj felt something unusual.
“Mom what happened? You alright?” By that time Khushi came out me her room.
“Mom!!! She said and looked at her mother’s pale face.
“What is going on here? Khushi what happened?” Finally Dr Sharma said.

Khushi again gathered courage and told the whole matter.
“Khushi... This can’t happen. How can u do this? And since how long you have been doing this. Dont you have any shame? What about our teachings and our values? You made everything waste. I never expected this from you. I always thought you are my pride. But today you made me realize that I was wrong.” Dr Sharma was red in anger and simultaneously he was hurt too. Tears were falling from Khushi's face.
“Papa...please papa. Just meet Sparsh once... He is very good. You will like him. And...
“KHUSHI...!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Her father slapped her hard....
“I don't want to meet anyone. Whoever he is and whatever he is, i don't want to listen anything about him. I know what is right and what is wrong for you. Dont you dare teach me that...”
“Papa... at least once meet him.” Anuj also tried to help her helpless sister. He was feeling pity on her. She was crying but no one bothered about it.
“Anuj... You stay out of it.” Dr Sharma scolded him too.

“This marriage is almost final. Brij and I have already decided so many things. We gave time to them for knowing each other. Not to search another useless fellow...everything is final. Nothing can change now. Brij is like my own brother. He has helped me in so many tough situations. Remember the day when me and your mom were on death bed. It was him who came running to save your dying parents. If he would not have come, you both would have been orphan. Khushi... I thought my daughter is very mature. I never expected this from you...At least don't make us ashamed in front of whole society and in my friend circle Khushi.” His final words touched Khushi heart very deeply. Dr Sharma walked out of room and Mrs Sharma followed her husband silently.

Khushi sat on ground. Everything was lost, all her hopes. Now nothing could be done...Tears were falling from her eyes. Anuj came and hugged her sister.

“Di. Give them time to think. They will understand. Don't lose hope. I am with you di.” And he hugged her. Khushi broke her control on her tears and hugged her bro tightly. He took her to her room and made her sleep somehow. He dint knew what to do. He wanted to help his sister but dint knew how...
Sleep was far away from Khushi's eyes. She just wanted Anuj to go to his room. So she pretended to be in sleep.

“Sparsh. I can’t live without you. Where are you? I'm so lonely without you. Please Sparsh come back. I need you. I need you so much.” And again she broke in tears.
She felt a hand on her forehead. She turned back and was scared to see her father again. She never felt scared of him. But he never behaved like this earlier. Closing her eyes tightly, she turned on her sides making her back on her father's side, she was angry, she dint want to talk to her parents.

“Khushi...”Dr Sharma said softly and kissed her forehead.
“I'm sorry beta. I should not have done what I did. But Khushi I got very hurt, and I lost my temper. Try to understand your parents. We both love you so much. But we have some limitations dear. We live in a society. Even a small mistake can ruin my whole image in society. You are our pride and I don't want people to say wrong about you and us.” He sighed.

“Khushi. I don't know who he is. And how much good is he. But its too late dear. What will I say to Brij and his family. Please Khushi. Don't make us embarrassed in front of everyone. But Khushi if you still want to marry that guy only I'll do that for you. I'll bear every ones taunts for you. I'll do every possible thing to make you happy. Don't worry. I love you a lot.” Dr Sharma said and was about to go seeing no response from Khushi's side. But she turned back and hugged her papa.

She cried and cried hugging her father. “I love you too papa. I love you both.”
“I know my dear. Now sleep. We will discuss about it calmly tomorrow. Ok?” And he kissed her goodnight.
She was about to sleep. She thought a lot on this topic. But her head was now not in position to think more. So she decided it’s better to sleep. It was already 1am. She closed her eyes. After about half an hour she heard some noise in her house. There was noise coming from living room. She heard her father shouting Anuj's name. She immediately ran to living room.
She saw Anuj searching something very hurriedly.
“Anuj what happened? ”She asked.

“Di. Mom got an attack. We are taking her to hospital. Have you seen car keys?”
But she couldn't hear anything after that attack word. She was numb. She saw her father taking her mom to car. She couldn't gather courage to go to see her mother. Not because she was scared but she was feeling guilty. She felt she is responsible for it.

“Di. You stay at home. I'm going with dad. Ok?” Anuj waited for response but there was no response from her side.
“Di...”He shook her. “You ok?” Anuj panicked.
“Um...Hmmm. I'm... Fine....” she said.
“Ok. Take care of yourself. I'll inform you.” And he went.

Khushi sat for there for the entire night, thinking what she has done to the two most loved people in her life. She started hating herself for the thing which she did. She felt shame for being so selfish.
“No...I can’t do this. I can’t let my parents die due to my one decision. I can’t. I can’t see them like this. I have myself. Its all because of me. Few hours back everyone was so happy and just my one stupid act changed everything. I can’t be selfish. I’ll have to make up for it. I’ll have to make everything alright. I’ll make everyone smile once again.”

Two days passed like that. There was tension at home. Everyone did their work silently. Khushi's father was talking and behaving with her normally, But Mrs Sharma was not talking to Khushi. She was not at all looking at her and it was hurting Khushi like hell. Khushi tried a lot to make the environment normal but her mother was not at all responding to her. Even Khushi was also suffering from fever but her mother dint even ask once about her health. Her mother’s rude behaviour always brought tears in her eyes. Her mother had always been over protective for her, but now everything was totally different.

It was so difficult for her to show everyone that nothing is going on inside her heart while from inside it was hurting so much. Rohit’s family kept visiting her mother. Finally everything came to normal.
Khushi got appointed for internship in the same hospital where Rohit was working. Mainly it was due to Khushi's academics but somewhere Rohit also played an important role in getting the approval. That day Rohit felt a huge happiness. He was not able to control his feelings. He wanted to tell Khushi that he loves her and he was ready to marry her. There was no obstacle in his way to marry her but he wanted Khushi also to feel the same way.
She wrapped a thin shawl around her arms and came to her favourite place on terrace.There was that old antique swing with metallic chains and seat made up of beautifully crafted teak wood. This was her favourite place in the entire house. Her mom had brought that on her 10th birthday and Khushi had decorated it with bells and other fancy items. Her father opposed as it was just a useless thing and occupies much space but her mother knew that Khushi loved swings a lot that's why she fought with her father and brought it one day. She was so happy that day when she saw that swing on the terrace when she returned from school.

Cool breeze were making her shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, everything from her childhood days to the present day flashed in her mind. From the loving faces of her parents to the adorable face of Sparsh. She felt she is standing on a crossing which leads to two separate paths. One of them leads to only Sparsh, Her happiness, her love and whole bunch of beautiful Dreams; but he was standing alone there. There was no one else there with him. Rather everyone else was standing on the other path along with Rohit, there was satisfaction and a heartbreak on the same path. Everyone was smiling on that path, her parents were happy, the society was happy and she was satisfied on that path yet not happy.

HEART-BREAK

Shy, innocent, n full of dreams
She was happy by all means
Days were flowing like spring’s breeze
She let her heart fly with ease

Fate also played a beautiful game,
Cupid’s arrow made her heart an aim
He had everything which she always dreamt off
Not even a bit he tried to show off

Spring made the love blossom
And everything was just awesome
Love was all around
Or was it just a fake sound

He came closer n closer n closer
She was uttering his name in whispers
Expecting him to propose her
She was excited n she was eager

He came closer n touched her lips
N moved his finger over her bare ribs
With a shock she opened her eyes
This was not a dream she wanted to realise

His eyes were dark n full of lust
She immediately lost her blind trust
She pushed him back n ran from there
This is not love her mind told her

She cried n cried n cried n cried
Deep inside everything died
She cursed himself for being so blind
But thanked god for being a bit kind

He said sorry, don’t be upset
May be I love you, I m not sure yet
The words tore her heart apart
She was on the verge of losing a girl’s most precious part

She ran away from him
But with a bleeding heart
She injured her wings
Her life seemed to fall apart

Her heart cried along with monsoon
Everything fell down along with fall
He became rich n famous one day
But for her everyday in the world was hard to stay

Everything was blurred everything was dead
Her heart was tender and was still red
There was nothing left to say
Few things were left unsaid……….

Sweet Poison/A Beautiful Lyf

“Why does a person drinks??? I never understood this. Everyone knows the demerits of alcoholism, but still it’s a part and beauty of every celebration. Some drink Bcoz they are happy, few will consume to dissolve their sadness’s. A girl will drink Bcoz her boyfriend cheated, and boys will drink because his girlfriend left him. It’s not the people who are consuming the alcohols, it’s the alcohol which is trapping and consuming them.
Navya was very excited as her father, the famous gastroenterologist of the town asked her to accompany him to his clinics. She herself was studying medicine and loved this field. She was a very brilliant and sharp girl, and had inherited this intelligence from her father. Dressed in her favourite baby pink top and black jeans she was ready to go with her father. She dint wanted to dress up much for going to hospital. Even though she was looking smart and very pretty. She was excited yet a bit nervous. Everyone respected her father and she knew they expect a lot from her too.
C’mon darling we r getting late!!!!!
Yes papa… m ready… lets go… Navya smiled and sat on the passenger seat of the car.
On the way her father explained few things about alcoholic liver disease. She answered everything which her father asked. She was happy that she satisfied her dad.
Walking along with her dad today was as if she was walking with a great person. Everyone was looking at her. She knew that every one was wondering who is she? Few ppl already knew her, so they smiled to her and she smiled back. She never felt like this before. She wondered that for her and everyone at home papa is just like their friend. But for these people he was like a god, they had huge respect for him. And this respect was cultivated over yrs of hard work and dedication.
“ one day I’ll also be like him….” Navya deciced.
With all these thoughts storming her mind she walked in ICU along with her dad and the first site which she saw blew off her mind. There was a critically ill patient, a middle aged man. He was semi conscious and was on ventilation. His eyes were partially open and he was sighing in pain. IV drip was attached, catheter was on, even on the slight movement of the body he was having lots of pain. His lips were dry like paper and were continuously bleeding. She saw a nurse applying jelly on his lips and removed the blood drenched tissue paper from his lips. Even the tissue had stuck on his lips. His abdomen was swollen like a huge ball due to fluid accumulation. And his umbilicus/navel was protruding out. His legs were swollen, and palm was red. Navya inspected him, and found out that his liver and spleen both were massively enlarged. She felt pain seeing him like that.
After finishing the regular examinations, her father told her that it’s the case of chronic alcoholism. The man was an alcoholic and had been drinking since 10 years. Her father told her that he is not going to live more, and he might collapse anytime.
Till now the happiness which she had, it disappeared immediately. The question which came to her mind was “ why do people drink???”. They don’t know how they themselves spoil their life. They start it for fun and begin with a lil amount but as the time passes the shots turns in bottles, and also once a month turns into once a week, then once a day, and then along with every meal. They ignore their sweet and happy family for a bottle of sweet poison.
Later after a week Navya got to know that the man died, he left behind his beautiful wife with three small kids with loads of debts. Navya dint knew how the poor lady will manage everything. Maybe she would have to fight, just because of a tasty and a elegant glass of wine. The lady had already fought a lot, first with her husband to stop him from drinking, later she fought with illness of her husband, now with the debts and later for her kids. And reason behind everything was a glass of wine.
People say that you may take it in limits, but I want to ask why???? Why do u want to have it?? Why do u want to poison yourself? There are loads of harmless drinks available. Go for them, why for a poison. You want to celebrate, can’t you celebrate without it.?? If you are sad, will it finish all your problems?? It’s just a glass of more troubles. Many things have happened over a glass of wine, for e.g. Jessica lal murder case. It’s not you who is consuming the alcohol; it’s the alcohol that’s fooling you. It’s just a wine, which first tempts you in beginning and later makes you an addict. So say no it, not even a glass, not even a sip… why do you want to taste it?? Is it so necessary; more than your precious life?? More than your family?? A sip of sweet poison may lead you to grave who knows.. It’s up to you to decide.. A wicked glass full of wine or long beautiful life…. choice is totally yours…

Value Of A Life

Buzz..... Khushi’s mobile vibrated showing a new message. She picked up the mobile without breaking her glance from the textbook. After completing the para, pushing her specs back on her nose she finally looked on the mobile screen to read the sms.
“URGENT... PLEASE USE FREE MSG, FWD DIS 2 EVRYONE.... A BABY NEEDS B+VE BLOOD URGENTLY.....PLEASE INFORM EVERYONE..... OUR LITTLE HELP CAN SAVE THE CHILD. “
CONTACT NO: 9XXXXXXXXX, 98XXXXXXXX. OR HOSPITAL BLOOD BANK.
“Uff.... I’m sick of these messages, instead of sending msgs, they themselves can donate it... B+ve is such a common blood group yaar” irritatingly she told her roomie.
“Hmmmmm....... these are the ways to earn money. I’ve heard from seniors that blood bank staffs sell blood at high cost, after taking free of cost from donors” her roomie shweta informed.
“I dont know why they send these messages to us; common yaar... B+ve is the commonest blood group in India. Still our blood bank lacks, what kind of blood bank is it? Whenever a patient needs blood, someone from our hostel donates. What about patient’s relatives and blood bank store.” Khushi was really irritated. First of all she was disturbed by the message and secondly she felt pity on the child.
“Leave it off... let’s study... only two days are left for exams.....” shweta reminded her.
“Hmmmmm.... you are right... anyways i feel someone will donate. B+ve is very common.” Saying that Khushi once again immersed herself in those threatening diseases and their management.
Khushi belonged to upper middle class family. Her father was also a doctor and was a role model for her. Khushi had always wished to become a doctor preferably a paediatrician. So finally she was working hard on her dream.
In the evening, she took a break from studies and went downstairs to the hostel mess for refreshments. She was fond of coffee. The caffeine in it always relaxed her and relived the exam pressure. It was their university exams and she was really very tensed. And it was obvious for any student to get tensed, each and every sec was crucial.
“Hi mom!!!! She picked up the incoming call and replied.
“Hi sweetie... had your tea?”
“Yes... Just finished.... mom i wanted to ask you something” Khushi hesitatingly said.
“Hmmmmm... say”
“Mom can i donate blood? There is a baby who needs blood, and my blood group matches with her.... i want to.....
“NOOO... NO NEED... just study... dont think so much. Her mother scolded her as the way she had thought. She knew her mother very well. She was not selfish or anything like that but she was over protective.
“Okkkkkk..... Dont worry i knew you would say this. Dont worry mom. I think by this time she must have got the donor. Ok... now m going to study... bye mom... take care... Love you.” And she disconnected the call.
“Hey Khushi .... Wait!!!!!!!” one of her friend came running to her.
“Yaaa... what happened??? Everything ok???” she appeared tensed .
“Your blood group is B+ve Na???? Will you donate blood??” she asked. She was in welfare committee and was a volunteer.
“Why??? Dint she get any donor till now??” Khushi was amazed. She had thought that by this time blood transfusion must have been finished.
“No... She requires 6 units of blood, and we are unable to find a single donor. This is so awful....” and that feeling was visible from her face.
“Ok... I’ll come with you. Wait I’ll take some money and my identity card” Khushi immediately agreed. She thought for a fraction of seconds, her mind said no. But her heart was forcing her to go. She had exams after two days and she had never donated blood before. She was scared. She knew her mom will never support it. But she was feeling pity on the child. Deciding about everything in that fraction of sec, she agreed to go with her heart.
On the way she enquired about the child and it was such a co incidence that the child’s name was also Khushi. She was so amazed. She got to know that the girl was suffering from a congenital disease “Thalassemia”. And she was in i.c.u. her parents were very poor. Though hospital was just beside the hostel, Khushi felt as if the distance has increased overnight. Thousands of thoughts were striking her head. What if she became sick after donating blood? will her blood save the child’s life? How will they manage other donors? Many things were hammering her head. She knew that it was none of her business, but for the first time she felt that she should do something to save the girl. Her condition was serious.
Thalassemia; it’s generally rare in girls because generally for a girl to suffer from this disease, both of her parents should have that defective gene. That generally happens in consanguineous marriages. Mainly it’s a genetic disorder in the red blood cells, which causes their destruction. Patients suffer from lots and lots of complications which start just after birth depending upon the severity of the disease. There are almost 60-80 million people in world who suffer from it. And India shares a great part in it. In thalassemia major blood transfusion is needed every two months. Khushi knew all this.
“Khushi!!!!!!!” her friend shook her and brought her back to the reality. Khushi then realised that they have already reached the blood bank; and a poor man was just standing near them. He was the patient’s father. He looked pale and very sad.
Khushi tried to speak to him; but unfortunately he knew only the regional language, and Khushi dint know that. She felt so helpless, she wanted to speak to him but she couldn’t. She looked in his sad and hopeful eyes; they were thanking her silently for her help.
After few routine examinations, Khushi was made to lie down on the hospital bed. She was scared, but she dint let that appear from her face. She gave a weak smile to her friend; and as if she read Khushi’s mind; she stood beside Khushi and held her palm. Blood pressure cuff was tied to her left arm and pressure was raised to 40 mm hg, a soft ball was given to hold and to squeeze, in order to increase blood circulation. The needle was not the one which was regularly used for injections. It was a thick one. Khushi closed her eyes while the nurse Inserted the needle in her cubital area.
And then it started, the blood was being collected in the blood bag.
“Are you ok??” nurse enquired.
“Yes I’m fine” Khushi replied with a smile.
“Sister… why our blood bank is always empty? Whenever someone needs blood they have to search for a donor, this is so bad. What if someone needed blood urgently? What will they do?” Khushi finally asked the question which was bothering her since afternoon.
“It’s not like that dear… the problem is people don’t wish to donate, they only want. In other blood banks there is replacement technique; which means if you require blood you will have to replace it by giving blood which can be of any blood group. So that blood bank is always full, but people over here only demand. Generally they are high class people, they never replace. So finally we run short. And moreover we can only store it for 35 days max… that’s why these poor people need to search for donor.” Sister said in a sad tone.
“Hmmmmm… but sister B+ is common blood group; he must be knowing someone of the same blood group. Why did he come to us?” Khushi again asked. Now she was having slight pain in her arm. She felt as if something was being squeezed out of her.
Sister smiled to her question and said” look at him; doesn’t he appear pale. He must be anaemic. Poor people generally are malnourished. They themselves suffer from anaemia, how can they donate blood”
Khushi felt like a fool, she should have understood this. For donating blood person should be healthy, and he appeared so weak. Suddenly sister started removing the cuff and the needle.
“What happened!!!!!?” Khushi panicked.
“It’s over… take a rest for 5 mins then you can go… “Sister smiled and said.
“It’s over???? It hardly took ten mins. And can’t I donate one more unit??? She needs 6 units Na?? Khushi asked.
“No dear... we have to care about your health too. We can’t take more than one unit from a person at a time... don’t worry we will get someone kind like you “sister replied.
Khushi was satisfied yet not happy. Her instincts were telling her that no one will come. But she dint wanted to disappoint that helpless poor father.as soon as she came outside, the man brought two packs of frooty for both of them. She resisted taking it from the poor fellow. She hadn’t done that for any reason. She donated blood because she wished to help. But after so much of persuasion she finally had to take it. Sister told her to drink one as she must be feeling weak. But she was fine. She dint find any change except her arm was paining a bit. But to satisfy everyone she drank.
“Neha … I want to see the girl before leaving” Khushi asked her friend.
“Ya sure... come” she agreed.
They both went to i.c.u. there was a 3 yrs. old sweet unconscious girl. Her mother stood up immediately as the man indicated her that she is the donor for their child. The lady immediately folded her hands and greeted her. Khushi felt a bit awkward. She had done nothing. She just donated a little amount of blood. But Khushi dint know how much that mattered to the child’s parent. After spending few mins with the child Khushi returned back. She wanted to spend some more time but she had exams.
After coming back to hostel everyone appreciated her. She just smiled and started studying. Later at night she met Neha, and asked if she got any other donor. Neha said no. Khushi was very much disappointed. The cute face of the child was coming to her mind again and again.
Khushi immediately went to each and every room of the hostel requesting the B+ve people to donate blood. Out of 30 girls there was not a single one who was willing. Every one made excuses. Some had exams. Some had some diseases, few were weak and anaemic and few dint like donating. Khushi felt like slapping them. A child was dying and they dint even care. Have human beings become so mean and selfish? What if in future they went through such situation? Anyone can require blood. Khushi dint feel like speaking to anyone, not even to her mom.
Few days passed, she became busy in her exams. She forgot the incident. On the last day of her exam, she saw that man and his wife going out of the hospital. Khushi pushed every one aside and ran towards them. Neha followed her. Khushi greeted them and using tits and bits of the local language she enquired about little Khushi.
Immediately their eyes became wet. Khushi couldn’t understand, her mind was telling something which she dint want to accept. Finally Neha told her that Khushi died, after two days of her blood donation. They managed to get only two donors, and her case was very severe. Khushi was shocked. The lady was telling that she was their first child. She was weeping silently. Somehow the man consoled his wife. They both greeted Khushi and went.
For Khushi everything was numb. The sweet loving face of the child was appearing front of her. People are so mean. They took life of a small child. Her face was red in anger.
“Khushi… it’s ok... being a medico we will have to go through such situations. It’s good for them. Anyhow they couldn’t afford blood transfusion after every two months. Let’s go” Neha said. Khushi dint answer anything, she walked out silently.
Almost two Years passed… Khushi always donated blood regularly after that incident. One day she saw the same women in paediatrics ward. She inquired about her from sister.
“Her 2months old baby is suffering from thalassemia. They have come for blood transfusion. They are waiting for donors” sister told and went… this time khushi couldn’t donate as her blood group dint match. She wondered how many years will she survive. Who knows may be her life will also end up waiting for a donor just like her elder sister. Life is very cheap these days; more cheaper than having an afternoon nap….